No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
