i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
