how can u be prego again
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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