I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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