so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
