Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You're a waste of cheezeits
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
