I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
