I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
my sisters under your porch take her home
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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