It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
