I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
