it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
