my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
