im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
