she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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