there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
