Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
