I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
