He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
