It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
