I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
