Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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