She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
