i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
