im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
