My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
