had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Can I color on your dick again?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
