me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
