you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
