eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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