i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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