If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
