then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
