You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
