I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
