today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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