Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
