Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
