I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I want to have your abortion
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
