Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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