And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
