so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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