All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
