Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
