when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Randomize
