it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
