I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
The beer is more important than you right now.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
