we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
