what day is it and did you see me today?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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