when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
