Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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