seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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